Welcome to Bush School, Where the First Rule Is: “Fussy People Die”
Most of us pack snacks and phone chargers when we think “wilderness weekend.” But journalist Rafqa Touma rocked up to Gordon Dedman’s four-day survival course on Dharawal and Gundungurra Country with hiking boots, gold hoops, and a healthy fear of funnel webs.
What followed was a crash course in everything from knife skills and fire-starting to eating wriggly insects and celestial navigation—all under a parachute tarp base camp. No spa robes. No Wi-Fi. Just ropes, crickets, and courage.
Survival Course By the Numbers
| Metric | Details |
|---|---|
| Duration | 4 days |
| Cost (Adult / Child) | $855 / $427.50 |
| Participants | 15 (incl. city blokes, parents & “Alone” contestants) |
| Basecamp | Military parachute tarp + self-built hootchies |
| Practical Skills | Knife work, knots, fire, shelters, water purification, signalling |
| Protein Options | Mealworms, crickets, kangaroo stew |
| Navigation Lessons | Celestial & solar orientation after dark |
| Local Hazards | Red belly black snakes, funnel webs, mild existential dread |
Dedman’s Bushcraft Wisdom (Now with Bonus Protein)
Gordon Dedman, the real-life Bear Grylls/Zen master hybrid, kicks things off by reminding everyone:
“This is not a wellness retreat. Fussy people die.”
He also dishes out bushie philosophy between tying knots and handing out live bugs:
- “The goal of survival is to be found.”
- “Western culture has food aversion. That’s why we waste so much.”
- “Nature’s not your mum. It doesn’t owe you a snack.”
Key Survival Tasks & Rafqa’s Reactions
| Task | Rafqa’s Status | Quote/Wisdom Nugget |
|---|---|---|
| Knife & knot work | Limp wrist, slow knots | “Actually caught on” with knots—miracle! |
| Building a hootchie shelter | Fumbled in fear of snakes | “Needed two blokes to help” |
| Mealworm consumption | Screamed internally, then impressed | “Burst between my teeth… tasted great!” |
| Cricket skewering | Nearly fainted | “If I was truly lost, I’d just starve” |
| Fire making & flora ID | Hands-on success | “Dedman’s random fire-starting challenge = chaos” |
| Emergency signalling basics | Mastered the 6x3m ground-to-air V | “Shiny tarps are the real MVP” |
| Celestial navigation | Stargazed into bliss | “Midnight sky = instant therapy” |
Aussie-Style Field Notes
Best Bushie Moment: Sharing kangaroo stew by the fire under the stars, flanked by two new survival mates, Daniel and Damien.
Toughest Bit: Eating a live cricket after it twitched in the fire. “I’ll perish if I ever have to hunt my own protein,” Rafqa admits.
Most Aussie Line: “I imagined someone throwing [thick tahini] onto my ceiling. Unless I scraped it off, it might live there forever.”
→ (Yes, that’s from her tahini taste test. Clearly, she’s ready for bush satire.)
Gordon’s Top Survival Tips (AKA How Not to Die)
| Priority | Why It Matters |
|---|---|
| Mindset | Panic spreads faster than mozzies. Stay calm. |
| PLAN acronym | Protection, Location, Acquisition, Navigation |
| Water First | 3 days without water = cooked. Literally. |
| Be Found, Fast | EPIRB or shiny gear = higher chance of rescue |
| Distress Signals | Build a “V” (6m x 3m) – it screams “HELP” from the sky |
| Know Nature | Local plants, terrain and hazards = your best allies |
Course Details
- Provider: Bushcraft Survival Australia
- Course: Module 1: Fundamentals
- Cost: $855 (Adult), $427.50 (Kids 12+)
- Locations: Runs Australia-wide
- Instructors: Gordon Dedman & team
- Gear Needed: Courage, tarp, knife, and ideally a cricket-proof soul
